Feelings of anger are very comon. But it can be very frightening to feel these emotions at a time when you also feel very vulnerable. Anger can often arise if you feel unheard or misunderstood, or letdown by a partner or medical professional. However it is often just a way of covering up feelings of hurt. When the anger is overwhelming it can cloud our normal sense of perspective, and feelings of guilt and shame are often closely associated. Then there is the problem that others feel attacked and become defensive and this often leads to complete comunication breakdown. Sometimes new mothers feel they can no longer show their 'weakness' because it is their job to be 'strong' for the new baby.
It can be very helpful to discuss these aggressive feelings with a psychotherapist or counsellor, who can help you get to the bottom of what is causing you to feel caught up in this stressful situation without judging you.
Although everyone suffers from a normal degree of anxiety in their daily life, this is greatly amplified with the new demands of a family . Extreme levels of anxiety can have a dibilitating affect and even result in hospitalisation when necessary so it is hugely important not to allow this anxiety to get out of control. It is often just a sign that you are in real need of some practical help and emotional support. Unfortunately this is not always easily available from the people around us, especially when certain dynamics are already in place between partners and other family memebers. The outside perspective of talking with a counsellor can be crucial at these times.
Integrative psychotherapy is the fusion of different schools of psychotherapy. The word 'integrative' in Integrative psychotherapy may also refer to integrating the personality and making it cohesive.
All loss requires a time to grieve before we are able to move on. Unfortunately in western culture, the grieving process is not often aknoledged in a validating way. This means that those who are suffering a bereavement are often also suffering from isolation too. However, it is only by going through the grieving process that anyone is able to recover from such an important loss. Paradoxicaly, trying to rush through the grieving process will only lead to further confusion. Sometimes the first feelings are shock, and the bereaved can feel very numb, which also leads to intense feelings of guilt at not having the correct response. Counselling offers a safe space to explore all these mixed emotions at your own pace.
Bereavement can often lead to Depression (see below) if not handled with care.
A crisis is a crucial stage or turning point in a person’s life. Daily routines are disrupted and all energy is focussed on one matter. A crisis can come in many forms; But the arrival of a new baby will inevitably be a key factor. Confusion, disorientation and intense feelings of vulnerability are common symptoms. If you are feeling under stress and can no longer cope or you find yourself feeling very tearful without knowing why, you may be in a state of crisis. This is an important time for you and seeking confidential support from a counsellor will help you through.
Post-natal depression is diagnosed in a minority of new mothers, however it is thought to occur in many more. The turmoil of the new depths of emotions and the physical demands of motherhood are easily the most demanding times many women will ever go through. It should not be shameful to admit to feeling depressed, however, many women do feel ashamed of not feeling able to cope . Seeking counselling has been found to help the patient address the issue and cause of the depression, resulting in a long-term transformation.
Feelings of alienation can be the result of feeling you do not fit into the lifestyle you have been living until very recently; This new lack of sense of self can add to confusion and anxiety about what kind of mother you are or what your new roll means for you personally. These questions can be common when facing a new life was a mother with a new baby to care for. New mothers can often feel overlooked when all the attention is focused on the new baby and it can feel shameful to admit to this. But in reality it is very normal and is better addressed now in confidence with a qualified counsellor rather than be left to feel bad about yourself while loosing more self-confidence.
When someone has disproportionate feelings of failure, and underachievement. Feels they fall short of acceptability and/or sees themselves as unlovable. Low self-esteem is prevalent at these times, with the change of body shape and when the lack of sleep associated with pregnancy and postpartum becomes overwhelming. With low-self esteem comes lack of self-confidence to care properly for the new baby and depression can start . It is important to talk about these difficult feelings, even when it feels very hard to do so. Often, seemingly impossible situations become more manageable when we can see what is at the core of it, and together we can find solutions.
When high levels of anxiety are manifested in an extreme physical reaction. A sudden experience of rapid heart-beat, shortness of breath and shivers all at once. The person experiencing a panic attack will feel very fearful and think they are about to die. The attack can last around 30 seconds during which time the sufferer may have difficulty communicating to others. Panic-attacks are the body’s way of telling you “you are not coping”. It is important to take these symptoms seriously and seek professional help and advice.
Also known as PTSD. When someone has suffered a trauma, such as a car accident or has witnessed an act of violence. Birthing is easily one of the most traumatic experiences a woman can undergo, however it is not always thought of as such. PTSD can bring about nightmares and day-time “blanking out”, intense distress, irritability, fatigue, numbing of responsiveness, as well as flashbacks and dissociative identity disorder.
Relationships ARE difficult. It is rare that any relationship does not, at some time, run into difficulties, especially under the strain of starting a new family. However, when this happens it can be very difficult to untangle where the real solution lies. When two people are involved in each other, they share so much of themselves, their trust, their bodies, their home, so that when the couple is arguing, all of these areas are affected and the individuals are left feeling exposed and vulnerable.
When two people have been close, and all of a sudden they have to share their lives with a third, the responsibility and changes in lifestyles can be very difficult to adjust to. Talking things through with a counsellor can often clear the way to straight-forward communication.
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