What is feminism? 28/06/11

I ask this question, as I am becoming increasingly confused as to what the meaning of the word truly means in an age where a woman is ‘liberated’ but ‘chooses’ to exploit her own body for the entertainment of others. Where a woman such as Katie Price is considered a role model for girls and is celebrated for her ‘success’ (another word I am confused by).
It seems to me that the idea of men and women having equal rights and respect has changed along the way. There is nothing wrong with things changing, and the best ideas should be flexible, but has feminism actually progressed? Somehow I feel it has been hijacked.
A woman’s right to wear what she wants is a given now. But what does a woman really want to wear? Barely anything at all it would seem from the covers of our magazines and popular TV shows. But is this the truth or is this a literal case of emperor’s new clothes? Where the unsuspecting are parading naked to the great amusement of the public, but to their own personal humiliation.
Ultimately my question is why are the women in our media and sadly the girls in our schools driven to use their bodies to communicate rather than their minds?

Some part of me, ironically, suspects that it is all about love. Could it be that these supposed acts of sexual empowerment are in truth, thinly disguised acts of desperation? Is it possible that through the unquestioning devotion to capitalism and all its glitter, we have been left deeply unfulfilled for a couple of generations now?  The prevailing understanding of Decartes would read “I want, therefore I am”.
Consumerism too, has taken on a new and monstrous form. It appears to me we are no longer consumers as much as we are being consumed. The false-promise that everything can and should be bought rather than truly earned has lead to the value of everything only ever being considered in terms of possession.
 Anything unquantifiable appears meaningless through the modern distorted eye glass of public perception. Working on a relationship may seem like wasted effort when all it takes is a “milkshake to bring all the boys to the yard” (Kelis)
But when everything can be bought, then surely everything comes at a price? The price of this effortless thinking, means that rather than trying to figure out what we actually want we prefer to be told.

We are told that we want for nothing because we can have everything. We are told that getting naked is sexy, and we are told that being sexy is everything. We are told we are not hungry but leaving the people undernourished is good for the economy. While we are poor in spirit we are driven to satisfy the empty pit in our souls by any means we can grab at.  And every moment we are promised that we can do this simply by buying the right product. In the case of feminism, we seem to have repackaged the once dowdy, angry face with a "younger, better, faster, stronger" (Daft Punk) one, who likes to get naked. The only catch is that it is now just a package... Look inside it girls, there is nothing there!

On Nick Clegg and Gina Ford - 20/04/10

I am thrilled that a politician, never mind a party leader, has gone on record about the issue of parenting. While I do not believe there should be any political agenda in childrearing, I do believe parents, particularly mothers, deserve more of a political profile.

Before I go any further, I must state that Gina ford's methods clash with me not only as a mother, but as a psychotherapist as well. Theoretically they feel unsound to me, but more importantly, they go against all my instincts. Perhaps I am more fortunate than some for having undergone the extensive training and personal therapy which has lead me to have the confidence to trust said instincts?
Mothering is completely different from any other experience because unlike any other work I have done, there is no 'correct' way of mothering. This comes as a terrible shock for many first-time mothers, including myself. For any woman who has had a successful career, where she has felt validated by the quantifiable achievements in the work place, it can be very disorientating to no-longer have a prescribed 'job-description'. How tempting it is to seek some form of reliable structure!
At this point, I feel it is crucial to draw attention the fact that Ms Ford is NOT a mother, she may possess many other assets and experience but she has never been pregnant, never given birth and never breast-fed her own child. She therefore has no experience of the very real and physical dimension this relationship occupies. Like many of the observations included in paediatric books (mostly written by men), she cannot help but speak from a distance. And whilst many may uphold the value of an unbiased remoteness in the face of scientific research; I argue that this is completely contrary to essence of mothering. It is precisely the unique attunement only a mother can attain with her child, which facilitates their healthy development.
As a mother, I believe that one of the key skills I have had to learn is the ability to continuously adapt to an ever-changing situation. Because as my daughter grows with age, her needs and her personality are continuously developing. More and more, I find that the beauty in childrearing is in abandoning the illusion of control and accepting, humbly that each experience is truly unique and all the more wonderful for it.
Equally, as a therapist it is my duty to facilitate a client in developing a stronger sense of themself, helping him or her to feel empowered to make choices that feel right for them as an individual, rather than feel under pressure to conform to a situation that doesn't feel right to them. There is no such thing as a 'one size fits all' when it comes to working with anyone.
This said, I strongly believe that motherhood is a terribly isolating experience for too many women in our culture. I do believe mothers deserve a much higher level of support and recognition for our contribution to society. I do not believe however, that it is for anyone to dictate to another how, when and if she should be holding her baby. I would go as far as to say, that the last thing mothers need is any further patronising or undermining.

Now Mr Clegg is not a mother either, but he is a father and he is speaking out for many parents. Furthermore, he is raising the issue of prescriptive parenting and encouraging us to use our own faculties rather than submit ourselves to any given 'authority'. While this may be nothing more than a symbolic gesture, to me at least, it is a very welcome one.

All this leads me to conclude that the market for parenting manuals does not reflect the effectiveness of such books but rather highlights the difficulty modern mothers face in a culture that often undermines the important work we do. Parenting is and should remain a personal experience and yet paradoxically, it is also a very important public issue. The results of good mothering will lead to a more sustainable society as a whole. Thus parenting remains an issue for everyone, regardless of age or occupation. Every one of us is a child to our mother and father, and how we recall this experience affects our lives on so many levels. My work as a therapist only reaffirms this.
The work mothers do is so invisible to so many, and yet it transpires in every area of our lives.
Will Nick Clegg be the one to transform the status of motherhood in our culture? and if he doesn't then isn't it time that we should?